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www.wetshoelaces.com Home The Early Years Bio Allen's Page Steve's Page DLF
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If Gods Were Stoned
Suite: Sun Peach Girl's Winter - Seven 17 Ninety Nine lyrics excerpted from : 'When I Was Nothing Standing In Time' by E. Aubrey Andrews
Part One: Broken Children's Voices Under Sordid Sweet Sensation's Eternity Life In Men Moans Repulsive Cyclones of Purple Essential Incubate Worship of Purple Essential Incubate Worship Men manipulate knife languages of lost hope They speak in panting weak tongues of Red Dust Expression Rain Life Stares Down Gutters of Broken Children's Voices Rain Life Stares Down Gutters of Broken Children's Voices
Part Two: Casualty Drones My Life Falls Alone In Casualty Drones Some want the sea While others deceive what use to be My Life Falls Alone In Casualty Drones as This Night Speaks of Sidewalks Visually Dying Life Is Vacant There Isn't Room Nowhere In This Desert of Hope where I swim alone in this myst world u said you once knew
Part Three: Nothing Is Ever Real Take most of what you hear spoken in shadows of weak tongues Always be prepared to forget Just know Nothing Is Ever Real Be Frantic When You Approach Lost Lakes Last Drive Thru Know Winter's Eternity Be Aware This Year's Symphony of Roses Rusting In Quiet Mysts is The Last Storm Chain where Your Echoes of Life Will Ever Be Heard Take most of what you hear spoken in shadows of weak tongues Always be prepared to forget Just know Nothing Is Ever Real
Old Mr. Gizzard (The Yo-Ho Song) Old Mr. Gizzard lived in a lump of wax He never went to bed without a bowl of Sugar Smacks I tried to sell him fiction but he only wants the facts When he rubs his body down with moldy turtle wax
Old Mr. Gizzard lived in a house of cards And then one merry day it simply shattered into shards He gathered up the pieces and spread them through three of his neighbors' yards And to this day his deeds are praised by vagabonds and bards
Old Mr. Gizzard lived in a stinky shoe He had so many kids that he did not know what to do So he shipped a few to Uncle Owen and to Aunt Beru They shipped them back with a pound of crack and a case of airplane glue
Old Mr. Gizzard lived in a beat-up van Originally it was yellow but he painted it tan The city came along one day and covered it with sand And no one ever heard from Mr. Gizzard again
Normalization? Normalize, normalize... You must normalize Or we will eat your fries Just look into my eyes (do you have normal eyes?) Under grey skies (regular fries, super size) Before you run out of supplies You'll get a big surprise (big large fries, normalize) Don't you like being normalized? Oh I like being normalized!
Because I Want It For My Head lyrics by E Aubrey Andrews and some tech writer (Evan?)
June 3rd was just a flirtation July 1st is the assault of city romance Down there is a hundred and sixty miles away
I just barely touched the edges of all that has inspired this very discordant life I have undergone/known/experienced with endless departures of curiosity/awe To do justice someday soon might just do an independent issue , a review, a comprehensive read on the skeletal structures of things gathered that I have assembled into E Aubrey Andrews and the other chameleon shapes of individuality/strangeness taking confessions of expression... the issue is time consuming categorization... conceivably months away in structure/development... definitely a road I must go back to someday... some day?!
Of nothing, of everything intangible (able)
I know this is abstract, but I seem to always be captured by the sensuality of words. It's such a subtle seduction to my senses. Words give me a thousand roads of questions to wander lost upon... it's an odd love, a romance, a caress, a love-affair kiss that never leaves my memory life alone
Coastal Innocence As uncertain, unbalanced, unplanned as everything is Existence always is A Friday night of wild streets that take me to delirious ecstasies of Adventure Danger I'm multi-converged I'm living with an illegal heart that cheats on me! You don't know what it's like to be hurt! Damaged! You don't hold pain against escape! You don't know! You don't know tomorrow like I do
Rediscovered Death Journeys of Apocalypse Men (The compilation tape) For whatever reason Destiny has brought me to this dark room Of indecent, desperate thoughts Again, 922 pray Has Saigon significance? Connected to unclear junkielands My disoriented mind-life I feel that I've been freed from the cornered beast That contrived the damned layers liaisons of slave soul ire
Blood-loving eternity It's starting to rain I fall into eternity disgraced I bow, genuflect to the vulturistic, insane days Of terminal leaving hearts Last thoughts of youth: There is nowhere else to move to save my soul From this cold midnight I'm standing alone Staring down Wandering to places stoned-out Long gone I'm crippled before caring Dead beyond feeling Don't worry Split minds saved the light 17 insane ways One fifteen on a ten-five Government man leaving wind for the eternity heart It's my life If Gods Were Stoned
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Suite: When Jesus Met Santa Mvmt I: "All the Halogen Lights in the World"
Santa:
OK, roll call… Dasher,
Donner, Blitzen, Prancer, Vixen, Cupid, Comet,
Dancer, no Rudolph, where’s Rudolph?? It’s
only zero visibility again,
who’s going to guide my sleigh? Jesus:
I can light your way. Santa:
Jesus! Jesus:
Yes? Santa:
What the hell are you doing here? Jesus:
I have come to show you the way. Santa:
Oh really. Believe me Jesus,
I’ve been doing this for a quite awhile now,
I know the most efficient routes all over the globe.
Jesus:
Yes, but you seem to be lost without Rudolph. Santa:
Oh, Rudolph shmoodolf. I’ll
just look in my bag here for a new halogen
flood light, I’m sure someone asked for one of those this year. Jesus:
Maybe, but my light is brighter than all the halogen lights in the world. Santa:
Good for you. Now if you
don’t mind, I gotta split, a lot of people are
counting on me to deliver the “goodies”!
You know, it’s Christmas! Ever
hear of that? Jesus:
Uh, yeah. That’s my
birthday. Santa:
Really? Well, have a good
one. So how old are you, anyway?
Jesus:
2000, give or take. Santa:
2000! You don’t look a day
over 300! Great.
Thanks for wasting my time
buddy, but I really do have to go now. Jesus:
Actually, you don’t have to go anywhere.
Santa: Hey, get out of my way!
Mvmt II: Christmas Eve I never went to church Christmas Eve He's such a stupid jerk Christmas Eve
Christmas Eve I walked around naked Christmas Eve, Christmas Eve
Christmas Eve I went into a hole Christmas Eve
Christmas Eve I froze it in the hose Christmas Eve
Christmas Eve I'd rather watch my nose Christmas Eve, Christmas Eve
Christmas Eve It wasn't very cold Christmas Eve I want your hand to hold Christmas Eve
Christmas Eve, Christmas Eve Have you any more? Christmas Eve Are you in the door? Christmas Eve, Christmas Eve Christmas Eve
Mvmt III: "Get Your Own Holiday" Jesus:
I have come to take Christmas back from you. Santa:
Oh yeah? And just where do
you think you’re taking it? Jesus:
Away from your mythical world of greed and selfishness. Santa:
Mythical? What do you mean,
mythical? Jesus:
I mean that you don’t exist, you’re just an excuse to sell products to
consumers. Santa:
Oh, I don’t exist! Like you
do… Jesus:
I bet you more people know me than they know you. Santa:
Look, I don’t care who knows about you or not, just get your own holiday and get out of my way!
Mvmt IV: Ho Ho Hosanna Ho Ho Hosanna (repeat until blue)
Mvmt
V: "A New Religion" Santa:
Good for you. What would you like for Christmas, a new religion? Ho ho
ho… Jesus:
I already have one, but you have destroyed its integrity! Santa:
How??? Jesus:
By taking the celebration of my birth and transforming it into a commercialized
free-for-all so card companies and toymakers can make lots of money. Santa:
Hey, you’re talking about my livelihood, man. Jesus:
Livelihood!!?? It’s an
abomination! Santa:
But without my Coca Cola endorsement, how am I supposed to bring smiles
to children all over the world once a year? Jesus:
Once a year?? My love for the
world is forever lasting… Santa:
Oh yeah? Maybe we should team
up then. I’ll take Christmas Day,
and you
can have the rest of the year to do whatever it is you do. Jesus:
But Christmas is my birthday! Santa:
Oh, gimme a break. You
probably don't even remember when your real birthday is.
Mvmt VI: Time To Lick The Donkey I licked the donkey... Lick the donkey!
Mvmt VII: "A Fantastic Place to Hang Your Robe and Sandals" Jesus:
Everybody knows my birthday is December 25th. Santa:
Everybody with an education knows that the only reason why Christians celebrate
your birth in late December is to coincide with winter solstice and all
of the pagan myths about the rebirth of the sun.
In a way, you're the biggest
pagan myth going. Jesus:
I'm the biggest pagan myth going?! At
least I'm not some fat elf who lives
at the north pole, of all Me-forsaken places. Santa:
And the middle east is a fantastic place to hang your robe and sandals. Jesus:
Hey, it used to be a nice neighborhood. Santa:
Until you arrived. Jesus:
Hey, you can't blame that all on me. Santa:
True. There're a lot of
deities stirring up trouble there. I'm
always
afraid to go down chimneys there. A
lot of fundies with chimney-bombs.
Jesus:
Wait a minute. You do realize
that I am the only god. Santa:
Yeah, you and Yahweh and Allah and a bout a zillion others.
You know,
the polytheistic gods really look down on you guys as arrogant assholes for
that crap. Kali's been threatening
to re-crucify you for a couple of centuries
now over that bullshit. Jesus:
You know Kali? Santa:
What can I say, I got a thing for chicks with big tongues.
Look, do you
think you're the only deity who gives me shit over what I do?
Just the other
day Buddha was up my ass for putting too much emphasis on materialism or
some such bullshit... Jesus:
That's not bullshit. Santa:
...and even Allah got on me about all of the Christmas ham, like that's my fault.
Mvmt VIII: Christmas Lilith (Instrumental) Mvmt IX: "It's A PR Thing, You Know" Jesus:
Okay, so there are other deities. It's
a PR thing, you know. But you
must realize that almost every religion has a celebration this time of year.
It's psychologically very important for people to mark the returning of
the light every year as the earth passes the winter solstice and days begin
to get longer and nights begin to get shorter. Santa:
It's also important for people to fork over large sums of money to big
business every year. Christmas is
the holiday that puts the books in black.
Without you, people could worship another deity.
Without me, the gears
of capitalism would seize. Jesus:
And that would be a bad thing? Santa:
What are you, a You-damned commie? Jesus:
Have you read the sermon on the mount? Santa:
Like I have time to read anything. All
year, all I read is lists, from
every snot-nosed little brat on the planet, naughty, nice or indifferent.
Buy this! Buy that!
Buy it all for your fucking brat! Jesus:
A bit burned out, aren't you? Santa:
I just need a drink. Jesus:
Hey, I got an idea. We should
team up. I can come with you and leave
bibles in all the children's stockings. In
return, I could turn all the
milk and cookies the children leave out for you into wine and fishes... Santa:
And when I pass out, there goes Christmas.
All the boys and girls will
be in some fucking church, learning about the torment of hell that comes with
touching themselves. You know what? Go
to hell, Jesus. Jesus:
Been there, done that. Suite: The Great Macaroni Debacle Lyrics by Wet Shoelaces and Funkmaster J
Mvmt I: The Gods Of Kraft The Great Macaroni Debacle It's a macaroni explosion! It's a cheesiferous dusting Sent down like manna From the Gods of Kraft!
Mvmt II: Night of the Psychedelic Cheese Sauce (Instrumental)
Mvmt III: I Am The Wafer Really? I am a wafer Eat me; I taste good Really? Yes really You must eat me For I am a wafer And I taste good It's wafer time! Break it down Mr. Wafer Go wafer, go wafer Oh yeah, oh yeah Go wafer, go wafer Bleaagghhhh... And thus...
Mvmt IV: Standing Alone in a Vast, Powdery Desert Really? No
Mvmt V: Hullabaloo In Timbuktu Hullabaloo I need my spatula Timbuktu Let's have a hullabaloo in Timbuktu With a spatula And some macaroni Macaroni
Ain't Nothin' South Of Here But Dh'a'khuan Shelter (Time To Travel Through Time's Despair) (lyrics by E Aubrey Andrews) I keep getting left behind on the 1109 Want to question But Just don't Because Midnight's out of my control Just bit into the last taste Of tomorrow nine She's touched Maybe a bit perverted Because she's gone I'm excused because I just don't know how to Ease the tragic reins off my mind Begging for attrition's spare change Gotta get out of here Can't keep suffering what you were when you was there Spelling chances for communication Slit my time down Just to see that you're just as lost bleeding Just needing time to travel Through time's despair
Eskimos Eskimos! Talkin' 'bout Eskimos! Eskimos! Where did they go? Eskimos!
Eskimos! Eskimos! Where do they go? Ask him? No! Eskimo!
I don't know But I been told Eskimo pussy Is mighty cold Eskimo Where did they go?
Oh-de-oh-de-oh-do! Eskimo! Really ice cold Igloo holes swallowed up the Eskimo All the way home
Eskimos! We're not done with the Eskimos! Long way to go To find an Eskimo
Eskimos! Ask him? No! Eskimos... Brrrrrrr!!!!
Vaseline and Lollipops Vaseline and lollipops When the pressure starts to drop Here's some fun that never stops Vaseline and lollipops
Lollipops and vaseline Although it sounds a bit obscene Dip 'em in and lick 'em clean! Lollipops and vaseline
Partially Hydrogenated Republicans What about macadamia? Entonces esta bien, no? Why? Porque you no habla ingles, senor? Origami Gazebo Accent Carbonated Fructose Water Diabolos in Musica Partially Hydrogenated Republicans OK Cupboard Pompous Bouffant? Explicit lyrics Danger! Danger, Will Robinson, danger! I left my cigarettes outside Scratching post Fortuitous Circumstances Circumcision Circumvent Ice warrior! That didn't have circu in it! Fortuitous Moby Diss Who you tryin' to diss? Morpheus? Next stop, Eliza Street What the hell does that mean? Death trip Green mountain Festivus! Dream Shanghai Festival Filter exodus Dulcimer You got reverb on my peanut butter You got peanut butter in my reverb! Oh wait, that was jelly 5 and a half! 6 and a half! 7 and a half! Anything over a mouthful is wasted! Perpetual circular logic Where are... Save us from the fish? Why are there lions in my underwear? You think Paul has orange pubic hair? No Sensuous National Security Level has been updated to Chartreuse
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